It’s not the activities themselves that are the issue. It’s totally fine for a man to grill a steak over a fire and a woman to bake a cake. That is typically how my husband and I split things — by choice. The problem is when you suggest that someone should only perform traditional tasks, and then you add a hierarchy of value on top of it. So there is often the implication that a girl “can’t handle” grilling, while a boy “shouldn’t have to” do the dishes. As if what the boy does is harder and more important. And, it keeps guys from learning important life skills like empathy before caring and communications are “women’s work.”

Do these necessarily lead to sex abuse? No, of course not. There are lots of households where mom cooks, dad grills, and their sons and daughters follow suit. I grew up in one of those houses, and most of my friends did in my generation. My brother is rich and successful and has never been a sex offender. He also sucks at understanding or talking about anyone’s emotions, he thinks women are just overreacting, he thinks women are inferior, and his wife is unhappy but keeps his house nice while he goes golfing. All of this makes it very easy for someone to excuse a candidate who talks about “grabbing someone’s pussy.” Very easy to let Brock Turner off on rape, because “he’s just like me” whereas she was a drunk girl (both words being pejorative). And very easy for that guy who has women issues anyway, to take the next step.